Fear keeps me bogged down and swamped with clutter. Fair warning: the following thoughts are not true to my own beliefs. I am surprised to find that while I can look at other people and see how valuable they are in their unique way of being, I have some really dysfunctional thoughts when it comes to myself. I want to get rid of these harmful ways of thinking and the first step in that is identifying what they are, so here goes.
Here’s the (admittedly skewed thinking):
I am afraid that I don’t deserve my craft room, so I treat it like a wretched storage room instead.
- Who deserves a craft room if they keep it messy? (This makes no sense as to why I keep it messy, obviously…)
- Only real artists deserve their own craft room. (Huh? Why do I think this? I don’t believe it’s true for Other People. Weird.)
I am afraid that if my craft room is clean I will need to use it. I will need to be a real artist.
- I don’t want to be a real artist. If I am a real artist I will have to pick just ONE thing to do. (Can I insert a WTF here? Where does my brain come up with this bizarre notion?)
- If I am using my craft room I will have to make money with my creating and I might mess THAT up. And if I mess that up, I probably can’t have a craft room, and I don’t want to lose my craft room! (which I can’t even use right now because it is a mess, which is a mess because I am afraid, which…) See, I told you it was skewed thinking.
I am afraid because all my life I have known I was a creative person. It is what I base my identity on.
- What if I get my craft room clean and I don’t know what to do?
- What if I try making stuff and I fail? Who will I be then?
Right now I have a billion and two ideas floating around in my head, and a messy craft room keeping me from doing any of them. The mess is the perfect excuse for avoiding possible failure. If the ideas stay in my head they remain perfect- untried, safe from criticism and safe from flopping miserably. Unfortunately also they remain completely undone and I remain feeling stuck and frustrated.
Over the past year I have watched my husband work his heart out opening a brewery. He faces the fear of failure everyday knowing that if he fails not only will it be the crumbling of his dream, but also financial ruin for our family. And I am so proud of him and support him in taking these risks. So, I need to take a page out of his book. I need to step away from that fear, let it exist but not be ruled by it. Perhaps if I can recognize these poisonous thoughts I can ditch them and move forward.
In order to clean up and clear out our craft spaces, we’ve got to declutter the thought patterns that are getting in our way. If this hits home for you, I encourage you to take some time this week and journal about what fears are keeping you from doing the creative things you’d like to do. Let’s move forward together!
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You are an inspiration to me! Thanks for reading.